When the Bidet Hits the Fan

A Dummy's Puppet's Ramblings - from Chip Martin, Mannequin American

Sign Says "Open" not "Welcome" ... Act Accordingly

I'm not a restaurant critic, nor do I play one on TV. My only experience with restaurants is that I eat and drink in them. My favorite hangouts tend to be simple versus refined; friendly versus snobbish and; fun versus having to pay attention to what you say and how loud you get. In short, I'm out for a good time.

Recently I stumbled on a gem in Milwaukee, Barnacle Bud's. It was voted "Best restaurant in the middle of nowhere," by Shepherd Express.  I don't know the owner and I'm not getting anything for plugging the place ... and it may not be your cup of tea. But I've had fun every time Dale has taken me there.  And getting there is part of the enjoyment.

Barnacle Bud's doesn't have a "Location" button on its Web site. It has a "Where the hell are you?" button, and for good reason. When our GPS announced that we had arrived, we were staring at really old warehouses with signs telling us to "Keep Out" and "Guard Dogs on Duty." If it hadn't been for my urging Dale to proceed he never would have driven over the railroad tracks back into an area that looked like a suitable place for disposing of a body. But it's back there ... right on the water ... because when you think of "Milwaukee" you think of "seafood."

Barnacle Bud's has outdoor seating, an outdoor bar and a raw bar. Boats easily dock right next to the place. But I'll be honest. The indoor facility is not a fancy establishment which is what gives it character.  I'll not bore you with any other details. Just go to the Web site and you'll immediately understand why I'm attracted to the restaurant.

But the success of the place got me to wondering how a restaurant that's out of the way and rather "rustic" can succeed while so many others don't. Again, I know nothing about marketing a restaurant, but that won't stop me from giving you "Chip's Guesses at Successful Restaurant Marketing."

• Give them something they'll want to take home. Send folks out of your restaurant with a unique doggy bag, swizzle stick, T-shirt ... anything that will help remind them to tell other people about you. At Barnacle Bud's a lot of people take a menu home. The menus are printed on cheap, brightly colored paper and they do more than inform patrons about food selections. They also entertain with edgy copy, funny quotes and creative names for entrées. You read it, you laugh at it and you take it with you so that you can share it with others.
• Make your walls entertaining. Put things on the wall that will encourage customers to bring their friends in to see them. Signs on the walls of Barnacle Bud's are sheer entertainment ... and many of them are on chalkboards so they change periodically. Some restaurants put photos of customers on the walls or encourage patrons to use personalized mugs that hang on the walls. It all adds to camaraderie and loyalty. 
• Host special events/Create a holiday. Posters announce made up holiday celebrations and all sorts of special events at Barnacle Buds including crawfish boils.
• Offer a "secret" special. Offer a dish or special drink that only insiders know about. It makes them feel special and gives them something to share with their friends. Kahuna's did this and so does Barnacle Bud's.
• Make your Web site entertaining and offer visitors benefits for signing up for announcements. The Web site should do more than inform; it should entertain and be "inviting." And it should make visitors want to sign up for emails from the restaurant. Barnacle Bud's does all of this and more.

Now you know as much about marketing a restaurant as I do ... which is not much.

When the Bidet Hits the Fan

This from our friend Gene Mueller at 620 WTMJ. The average American uses 57 sheets of toilet paper a day; collectively, we burn through 36.5 billion rolls of toilet paper each year. Eliminating all the TP in America would save 15 million trees, 17.3 terawatts of electricity, and more than 473 billion gallons of water annually. Enter a marketing opportunity.

To save the day by making it "greener" the Japanese porcelain concern Toto will start a U.S. marketing push for its line of bidets--the pitch being that they can dramatically cut/eliminate the use of toilet paper (and thus, the environmental strain that TP generates both on trees and plumbing).

I have a hard time figuring out new-fangled towel dispensers in men's rooms ... I can't imagine the learning curve on a bidet. But I'm looking forward to seeing how Toto attacks this culturally-challenged marketing chore. They've already toned down their USA Web site which used to show an abundance of behinds. Now it's much more traditional. But the site still has a video explaining how the company's "Washlet" works. Click here to go to the site and then click on the video.

Danica Now Hawking Watches

From AdRants: Dale is a big open wheel race fan. So it stands to reason that he's a Danica Patrick fan ... although in truth, that has nothing to do with her racing.

Anyway, Danica is known by many for her GoDaddy commercials and Web site extended commercials ... which are funnier than the TV versions. Now she has hooked up with GQ to appear in a four page advertorial for Tissot Swiss Watches in the September issue. So there she is all glamour girl-style in a pool wearing a bikini, being embraced by a dude and wearing two watches the size of a person's head on her wrists. It's okay with me.

Another Endorsement
Speaking of racing, our friend and GT1 racecar driver, John Schaller, supports the notion that readers of this blog should "pass it on" to others. At least I think he does. I haven't actually talked with him for awhile. (Below, John autographs a program for a fan at Road America.)

Don't "Sexualize" Nudity?
From SunSentinel.com and AdFreak: One never hears about nudist-colony associations until something weird happens.

A clothing-optional retreat in Florida called Paradise Lakes Resort has had its membership in the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR) suspended over its racy advertising for a G-string pageant.

The AANR says the ad, showing a hot blonde chick straddling a motorcycle, "sexualized the nudist experience." Really? First of all I wasn't aware that it was wrong to "sexualize" being nude. (I don't even think it's possible not to.) Second of all, the contestants won't be nude. It's a "G-string" contest. Problem solved.

As Long as I'm on the Subject

I'm beginning to think that you non-Mannequin Americans try to find a sexual side to just about everything. My latest piece of evidence to support this hypothesis is The Snuggie Sutra Web site which visually depicts ideas for different sexual positions while wrapped in a Snuggie blanket.  Some of the illustrated positions are entertaining to read about, but come on ... it's a Snuggie blanket ... my grandma has one.