Who Owns the Nurdles?

A Dummy's Puppet's Ramblings - from Chip Martin, Mannequin American

Who Owns the Nurdles?

Two of our most important toothpaste manufacturers are locked in a legal battle to the death over the future of nurdles.

What is a nurdle? A nurdle is that wave-shaped squirt of toothpaste that appears on toothpaste packages.

The Aquafresh people are suing the Colgate people for using a similar nurdle, and the Colgate people are suing the Aquafresh people because, hey jerks, you're not the only ones in town who like nurdles, and you, the consumer, are caught square in the middle of an old-fashioned toothpaste marketing shootout. "A picture of a nurdle is important because the oral care aisle is so crowded," reports the WSJ.

New Sears Blue Crew Website Hits the Mark

Sears recently launched their Sears Blue Crew HQ Website. It's a futuristic "star trek" panel that serves as the retailer's portal to all its online properties, including: Sears Yard Guru, Sears Chef Challenge, Appliance Matchmaker, Blue Crew Members, Product Categories, and more.

It even has links to funny videos involving the Blue Crew. Obviously, this is a marketing ploy to promote all of its launched micro-sites and place it all in one central location for "ease and convenience," as Sears likes to say.

I think it's a good idea. The layout has a cool "news hook" to it, but the actual Website/portal sometimes makes it difficult to find all of Sears microsites without a lot of clicking. But when you do find them, it's usually worth the effort.

Allen Solly

Once again I admit to not understanding a thing about fashion marketing. Enter Allen Solly, men's and women's wear. Tag line: "My World, My Way."  Well "my way" is to say Allen Solly's web site left me confused, frustrated and feeling sorry for the person who was responsible for approving it. But the company includes a puppet reference in their ads, so I'll just let it go.

Prepare for Even More Erectile Dysfunction Ads

The Viagra patent is set to expire in 2012, after which other drug companies will be free to sell generic versions of the drug's active ingredient, Seldenafil.

But apparently low doses of the erectile dysfunction drug can help children stricken by a rare lung disorder. This could earn Pfizer a six-month extension on the patent. Considering that Pfizer made $1.89 billion from Viagra in 2009, an extra six months of exclusive sales would be a huge financial windfall for the company ... and delay the inevitable onslaught of commercials for new erectile dysfunction products.    

Nothing to do With Marketing

A fellow Mannequin American sent me this link to "Boobies and Kitties". It's one minute of both ... alone and together ... and I have to admit ... it made me laugh ... but it has nothing to do with marketing, puppets or vent, so view at your own risk. Probably NSFW.

And as long as we're including offensive material just for the heck of it, here's a link to "99 Words for Boobs".

Pole Dancing for Kids?

Claiming it's just gymnastic exercise and has no sexual connotation-plus the class is open to boys-the UpYerPole pole-dancing academy offers classes to kids as young as six. Child fitness: good. Pole writhing: questionable?

BTW, here's a link to a clip from the U.S. Poll Dancing Championship, 2009. Seriously, it's a sport.

But the U. S. women could learn something from these male, Indian Pole Gymnists. Click here to see these guys in action and to see the size of their pole ... so to speak. It's amazing that they're groins remain intact.

New Taxes That May Be Coming Your Way

States need more of your money so that they can continue to spend more. Kiplinger tracked down 10 of the zaniest state tax laws that could be homing in on your wallet any legislative session now:

Shoe repair -- The Pennsylvania state legislature is looking to add a 6 percent sales tax to the service.

Watch repair and tailoring -- New York is considering taxing both at 4 percent.

Bowling -- 26 states are already taxing the pseudo sport and several more, including Nevada and New Mexico, are looking to join the fray.

Golf -- Kentucky wants a 6 percent sales tax on greens fees.

Pool cleaning -- Indiana wants to join several other states in adding a 6 percent sales tax to what you pay your pool boy.

Gym memberships -- Alabama wants your license to sweat to cost 4 percent more.

Horseback riding -- Arizona aims to make horse owners pay 5.6 percent more to board horses on farms.

Interior decorating -- Oregon, Colorado and New Jersey want to tack on anywhere from 2 to 6 percent in taxes on pro interior decorator services.

Large vehicle rentals -- Louisiana may add a 4 percent tax to rentals of buses or large trucks.

Here Come the Judges

For the second time Dale has been selected to be one of the judges for the Axtell Video Challenge. (He's third from the left in the top row, above.)

This year's Grand Prize is a Animatronic, Hands-Free Tocan Puppet valued at $5,000.  Dale will judge alongside Nina Conti, Mark Wade, Steve Petra, Bob Abdou and other ventriloquists and puppeteers from around the world.

Any amateur or professional performer - of any age may participate. All puppet characters in "Puppet Video" or "Ventriloquist" Categories must be made by Axtell Expressions.  All magic items used in the "Magic" Category must be Axtell magic.

Click here for more information.

Marketing Tip from Chip

A Dummy's Puppet's Ramblings - from Chip Martin, Mannequin American

Today's Marketing Tip

"People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did; but people will never forget how you made them feel."
- Chip Martin, Mannequin American and Marketing Guru

You Can Say Everything with Your Fingers?

I'm not quite certain what this mcel commcercial is for ... but it's funny as heck. Click here to see the 30 second spot and smile.

HerWay.com

Fom Makethelogobigger: Finally a dating site for lazy guys. No more searching through hundreds of profiles for hours. Sign up, and let her chase YOU. Women can pick and choose the man of their dreams, then make the first move. Click here to see the commercial that's a bit of a rip off of the most fascinating man in the world.

Before you initiate cyber dating, here are some scary facts. More than one million women and 370,000 men are stalked annually in the United States. An astonishing one in twelve women and one in forty-five men will be stalked in their lifetimes. The average duration of stalking is nearly two years and even longer if the stalking involves intimate partners. Click here to learn more.

New Sisley Campaign

From AdRants: I'm the first to admit that this Mannequin American seldom understands the thinking behind fashion advertising. And here's a good example. The new Fall/Winter Sisley campaign is out and I'm not sure it objectifies women, but it sure makes them look stupid. The catalog includes the ubiquitous cleavage shot, but there's also a woman falling out of a dryer and the shot above of a woman on the floor having fun with a bunch of cucumbers. Nope ... nothing sexist or objectifying there. And these ads are aimed at women, right?

Comical Print Ad for Glue

For Pattex Glue ... a glue that apparently can frustrate hotel-room-destroying rockers. Ptobably not a bad idea, actually.

Once Again, CA Goes Too Far

A few months ago, in an effort to stem the tide of puppy mills and kitty factories, San Francisco began mulling over the possibility of forbidding canine and feline sales within city limits. That ban has now grown to include just about everything you would ever want to consider having as a pet. Animals under consideration for the ban include birds because of "their sensitivity and inappropriateness as pets," hamsters, mice, rats, chinchillas and guinea pigs. The city already has a ban in place on the sale of rabbits.

While there is only one pet store in the city that sells cats and dogs, there are several more that sell birds, mice, hamsters and the like. Suffice it to say they are displeased with the proposal.

Explains one store owner: "If I don't have a bird to sell, I don't sell a cage. I don't sell bird toys. I don't sell seed. But it's about freedom of choice. If someone wants a bird, they'll go to Berkeley. This will solve none of the problems the commission sees." Amen ... now let's see how long it takes for an unregulated black market to emerge in San Francisco.

BrewDog Beer

I wrote about PR-happy Scottish microbrewers BrewDog a while back, and now it's back in the news. This time the company has truly outdone itself; not only creating a "beer" containing 55% alcohol by volume, but which also comes packed inside the carcass of dead rodents ... seriously.

The folks at BrewDog say their rodent-packed potable "is to beer what democracy is to history. The beer is the last high abv beer we are going to brew; the end point of our research into how far we can push the boundaries of extreme brewing, the end of beer."

According to AdWeek, the beer, which has now sold out, was selling at around $760/bottle. The End of History from BrewDog on Vimeo.

Click here to see Harold at his best.

Marketing with Stories

A Dummy's Puppet's Ramblings - from Chip Martin, Mannequin American

Marketing With Success Stories

Marketing materials, tools and campaigns shouldn't pitch. They should tell stories ... stories of success; stories of redemption; stories of pain and problems that are converted to results and achievement.

Your customers would prefer to listen to stories, especially stories that resonate with their situations, featuring companies or individuals they can relate to and possibly emulate. They want to hear stories of what their future can look like. Pitches and presentations are often dull. Stories bring ideas and outcomes to life. They inspire and drive action.

Find someone who can research and write your company's success stories ... and then use those stories to sell. Click here to go to the B&M website.

How Much Do Those Stickers Cost?

NASCAR is probably the only sport you pay to watch commercials travel in a circle at 200 mph. The cars may look like sticker-crazy 3-year-olds put the sponsors on, but there's a finely tuned method to all that logo madness.

The title sponsor is Sprint. So the the Nascar Sprint Cup Series logo goes on every car (Just in front of the door, above all other logos). Sprint is paying $75 million a year for 10 years.

A team's primary sponsor spends as much as $25 million a season to decorate the hood and rear quarter panel. They also dictate the car's paint scheme.

Competition sponsors, like Goodyear, get their logos on all vehicles that race.

Associate sponsors pay $1 million to $4 million per season to have their logos on the B-pillar or in the area adjacent to the rear tires.

Contingency sponsors control the space on either side of the front wheels for a mere $375,000 a year.

While We're On Stickers

I don't know why, but The Cheeky have created Suitcase stickers that make it look as if you are smuggling coke, money or abused women in your suitcase. I'm sure airport staff, well known for their sense of humor, just love these.

On the other hand, I think it would be cool to have a sticker that depicts me inside my suitcase (read "home"). Now that would be funny. I'll call Signs and Lines by Stretch to see what they can do.

Unique Movement on Stationery Billboard

Want to get some national attention with your billboard? Add some goats.

This IHOP billboard is near enough to a hill that goats are able to hop up and use it as a place to nap, or just to watch traffic as it passes. And the goats draw a lot of attention ... including local television newscasts.

The farmer who owns the goats says resting on the sign is a daily routine. The owner of the IHOP says that the goats get so much attention that he's offered to give the farmer some free pancakes. What a deal. I wonder who gets to clean the goat stuff off the sign?

Sorry I Missed This

I apologize for letting my readers down by not alerting you to the fact that Aug. 22^nd was "NATIONAL GO TOPLESS PROTEST DAY" in honor of Gender Equal Rights. Trust me, if I would have known, I would have been out there offering my support ... so to speak.

Gotopless.org claims constitutional equality between men and women on being topless in public. (Surprise ... there's nudity on their website.)

Call me crazy but I think one of the reasons nudity is exciting is because it's scarce. If everyone walked around nude all the time, our sensitivity to excitement would be dulled even more than it already is. In fact, I think there are a significant number of men who shouldn't be allowed to have their shirts off in public. Maybe next year I'll sponsor a "Keep Your Shirt On Day." But you'll have to wait for the details ... get it?

Only $44 for Premium PBR

When brands go abroad, they frequent decide to take a different market position from their domestic efforts. So that's what Pabst Blue Ribbon, or PBR as it's better known to some, did.

Coveted by some for being the cheapest beer available, PBR has gained cult status in the states. In China however, it's marketed with the line "Heritage classic breakthrough" as seen on a banner on their site, and Danwei says that the bottle will sell for 300 yaun ... that's a whopping 44 US dollars.

The typical price of beer in China is around 5 or 10 yuan.  A company spokesperson said, "The release of Blue Ribbon 1844 is aimed at changing consumers' ideas about beer. The high-end market is occupied by baijiu and wine. Chinese people can afford to drink baijiu that costs tens of thousands, and I believe that a 300-yuan beer won't be a problem either."

Nothing "Subtle" About This

Subtle Butt is a "Disposable Gas Neutralizer." You wear it in your pants. Huh? Man I'm glad I'm a Mannequin American and don't have to deal with issues like this. There's even a video on the website.

Vintage Milwaukee Movie Poster

Here's old-time marketing at its best. Including both "Gayety" and "Men Only" would have a whole different meaning for movie goers today. And who knew they could have "Sexmania" on stage in Milwaukee?

Here Come the Judges

For the second time Dale has been selected to be one of the judges for the Axtell Video Challenge. (He's third from the left in the top row, above.)

This year's Grand Prize is a Animatronic, Hands-Free Tocan Puppet valued at $5,000.  Dale will judge alongside Nina Conti, Mark Wade, Steve Petra, Bob Abdou and other ventriloquists and puppeteers from around the world.

Any amateur or professional performer - of any age may participate. All puppet characters in "Puppet Video" or "Ventriloquist" Categories must be made by Axtell Expressions.  All magic items used in the "Magic" Category must be Axtell magic.

Click here for more information.

Marketing Tip from Brown & Martin, Inc.

 A Dummy's Puppet's Ramblings - from Chip Martin, Mannequin American

Marketing Tip from B&M

Marketing tools should avoid focusing on features. Talk about benefits ... results ... outcomes. What you sell is a means to an end. Focus on the end.

Your customers don't want to buy solutions; they want to buy what happens after putting the solution in place. Talk about those benefits and those outcomes. Constantly remind your prospects that you represent more than just a purchase; you represent the achievement of something bigger that will improve their business and/or their lives.

The firm I work for can help. Click here to go to our web site.

Enough Already

I'll admit it ... I typically like ads that use sex for the sake of grabbing attention, entertaining and selling. But even I have a hard time with companies like Calvin Klein that seem to use sex for the sake of ... I don't know what.

For example, everyone has sex in the middle of a playground, right? It's especially true if you're a hard-bodied model. Oh ... it's just a new commercial for Calvin Klein Jeans. And yeah, there's nudity (brief). But it's art. So it's all good, right? Click here to see it.

Axe Rescues Boys From Premature Embarrassment

From Copy Ranter: If you want an example of a marketing success story, Axe is it.

Unilever's Axe/Lynx has unswervingly positioned itself as the fragrance that aids males with the ebb and flow of their bodily fluids. Somehow, mooky manboys the world over have bought into this bullcrap. Now you can smell them coming a block away. I guess it's better than the way they used to smell.

Here's a TV spot for new Axe Full Control that's only running in Argentina ... because people would be up in arms if it ran in the U.S. Click here to see it. It's funny ... in a sick, disgusting way.

Clever Airport Promotion

If you have kids ... or even if you don't ... do you ever get sick of them running around the airport screaming and yelling while you're quietly trying to catch a little shut eye before the next leg of your journey? Well, this promotion for Colorado's FirstBank may not help, but at least it will keep the screaming kids all in one place.

The latest addition to the bank's ongoing "We're here to help" campaign turns a revolving display unit into a children's circular treadmill. At the Denver International Airport, a plexiglas rotating signboard is headlined, "Tire your kids out so they sleep on the plane." Kid-sized handprints appear three-and-a-half feet above the floor, and, above them, the instructions, "Have children place hand here." The signboard makes one revolution every 30 seconds, keeping kids entertained, well exercised and out of trouble.

Signs That Don't Work

I'm pretty sure that Mc Donald's didn't approve this southern franchisee's billboard.

Not sure if this sells fish or not? But it's kinda funny.

My Family Tree

Dale is on the Board of Advisors for Vent Haven Museum, in Fort Mitchell, KY. It's the largest museum in the world dedicated to ventriloquists and ventriloquist memorabilia. Above is one of my predecessors ... Chip Martin the first ... who resides in the museum (Doesn't the young Dale in the photo look like a dweeb!)

Above is an enlargement of the card on Chip #1's chest.

Because Dale is on the museum's Advisory Board, we are occasionally granted some private time to enjoy the museum and its thousands of photos, hundreds of puppets and gobs of memorabilia.

A few weeks ago we toured the facility with other advisors including Jeff Dunham, who posed above with Monty, his first vent figure, which now resides in the museum. If you go to the museum and even touch a figure, you will be shot. But if you're Jeff Dunham, you can pretty much do what you want (kidding). Seriously, Jeff contributes his talents to the museum, refurbishing figures, repairing figures, and restoring figures. That and the fact that he's made monetary contributions to the museum, allows him a few special privileges, like posing for this photo with a puppet that he donated to the museum.